Things you didn’t know: How to open a Champagne bottle with a meat cleaver.

This method of opening a champagne bottle with a sword dates back to Napoleonic times and is known as ‘Le saberage’. The average household probably won’t have a sword on hand for such occasions. However, many should have a meat cleaver or other heavy chef’s knife.

 You will need;

• A bottle of cheap champagne or Cava

• A meat cleaver

• Bravery. Be prepared if this fails; you will look like a complete fuckwit at the party and need to return to the bottle shop.

Method:

1.     Chill the champagne

2.     Gather your friends  

3.     Remove the foil and wire cage from the bottle

4.     Find the seam of the bottle which runs the length of the neck – this is where the two halves of the bottle are joined together and at its weakest where this seam meets the ‘lip’ of the bottle. It is here you must strike and strike hard you must.

5.     Hold the bottle horizontal to the floor, pointing away from you and away from your guests; however, if by chance there is someone at the party you need to take out, such as a rival for the attention of a potential disco-snog, then this provides a perfect opportunity to get the job done

6.     Hold the knife firmly in one hand and the bottle in the other. Place the blade on the thick end of the neck, the blunt side pointing toward the lip. Have a few ‘practice’ attempts to get a feel for the sliding motion you need to execute

7.     With all the bravado and stupidity you can muster, slide the blade quickly and decisively along the neck to strike the lip hard

8.     If executed correctly, the lip of the bottle and cork inside should fly off and take out that punter who is moving in on your girl/guy. If executed incorrectly, skip to the second part of stage 11

9.     Allow a bit of champagne to spill out before returning the bottle to an upright position. This will ensure any glass shards that may not have flown off at the face of your nemesis won’t end up in your drink.

10. Pour into champagne flutes and inspect for glass as a precautionary measure.

11. Toast yourself for being a complete fucking legend, or hang your head in shame and accept all ridicule from guests, you loser.